by Daniel Stern ‧ RELEASE DATE: March 1, 1998
A serious psychological foray into What to Expect When You're Expecting territory. Psychiatrist Stern (The Diary of a Baby, 1990, etc.) presents a thoughtful guide to the psychological impact of motherhood. Following the expecting and new mother through the various stages of her experience—creating an imaginary baby while pregnant, feelings of inadequacy and contentment that come after the birth, planning the baby's future, determining whether to go back to work—the authors explain what is happening to her psychologically and emotionally. They demonstrate how each phase of the process contributes to the birth of the ``motherhood mindset,'' a new state of mind that puts her role as mother before all else (Stern's theory runs counter to traditional psychological beliefs that we retain one mindset, or ``basic psychic organization,'' throughout our lives). Stories of individual women, in particular three whom the authors follow from their sixth month of pregnancy, resonate strongly in parts, and all women will find aspects of their own life, as either a mother or child, in this generally soothing study. Especially interesting are the sections that explore the changing relationship of the new mother to her own mother, the expectations parents place on their children (as peacemakers or antidepressants, for example), and the importance of fantasies as a first step in establishing the motherhood mindset. The work-and-family question, however, is handled perfunctorily, and while the authors are generally careful about not judging new mothers, they have no understanding for mothers who choose to work when they are not financially obliged to. Although too slim to fully explore the psychological development of mothers, this book offers key insights into the process.
Pub Date: March 1, 1998
ISBN: 0-465-01621-9
Page Count: 256
Publisher: Basic Books
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 1998
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by Jancee Dunn ‧ RELEASE DATE: March 21, 2017
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
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by Jancee Dunn ; illustrated by Scott Nash
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by Cyndi Lauper with Jancee Dunn
by Tim O’Brien ‧ RELEASE DATE: Oct. 14, 2019
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.
Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.
O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019
ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8
Page Count: 384
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019
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