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Raising an Independent Child (Yes, You are Leaving the Nest!)

Easy-to-read suggestions that will hopefully lead toward better parenting, independent children and a happily empty nest.

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Straightforward parenting advice from a father of three.

Witt (Things I Wish I Knew, 2009, etc.) claims no special knowledge about raising kids. “I’m not an expert and I’ve not done the research,” he says. In fact, his book is refreshingly unburdened by footnotes and references. Witt simply writes his personal story, lessons learned raising three children into their teens. From the moment his first child was born, Witt resolved to be hands-on, and he advises other fathers to do the same. “It’s not about you,” he says many times throughout the book, meaning parents should not impose their own priorities and preferences on their children. While this adage might imply the opposite—it’s all about you, kids—Witt strives to raise independent decision-makers who will grow into “interesting and interested adults” who will, crucially, leave home for good. He provides useful tips for all stages of parenting, infant through teen years, but his book is most compelling when Witt puts his parenting skills to the test. When his children were ages 6 to 12, Witt divorced and got his own “tear down” 1970s house, yet he vowed to maintain his high parenting standards. In an expanded form, this half of the book could stand alone and offer more in-depth advice on a specific, challenging parenting situation. As it stands, each chapter in Witt’s book provides entertaining, if sometimes thin, advice for both mothers and fathers. He advocates teaching the value of money with a regular allowance; kids must use their own savings for toys and other extras. Witt also sees the power of praising good behavior, not just criticizing the bad. Above all, he encourages parents to listen wholeheartedly to their kids—then step aside. “I’m available as a sounding board,” he writes, “but not a surf board.” The lessons aren’t startlingly new, but Witt’s warm, casual writing and candid anecdotes make for welcome reminders.

Easy-to-read suggestions that will hopefully lead toward better parenting, independent children and a happily empty nest.

Pub Date: Oct. 5, 2013

ISBN: 978-1492134152

Page Count: 132

Publisher: CreateSpace

Review Posted Online: Dec. 17, 2013

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THE ESCAPE ARTIST

A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

Fremont (After Long Silence, 1999) continues—and alters—her story of how memories of the Holocaust affected her family.

At the age of 44, the author learned that her father had disowned her, declaring her “predeceased”—or dead in his eyes—in his will. It was his final insult: Her parents had stopped speaking to her after she’d published After Long Silence, which exposed them as Jewish Holocaust survivors who had posed as Catholics in Europe and America in order to hide multilayered secrets. Here, Fremont delves further into her tortured family dynamics and shows how the rift developed. One thread centers on her life after her harrowing childhood: her education at Wellesley and Boston University, the loss of her virginity to a college boyfriend before accepting her lesbianism, her stint with the Peace Corps in Lesotho, and her decades of work as a lawyer in Boston. Another strand involves her fraught relationship with her sister, Lara, and how their difficulties relate to their father, a doctor embittered after years in the Siberian gulag; and their mother, deeply enmeshed with her own sister, Zosia, who had married an Italian count and stayed in Rome to raise a child. Fremont tells these stories with novelistic flair, ending with a surprising theory about why her parents hid their Judaism. Yet she often appears insensitive to the serious problems she says Lara once faced, including suicidal depression. “The whole point of suicide, I thought, was to succeed at it,” she writes. “My sister’s completion rate was pathetic.” Key facts also differ from those in her earlier work. After Long Silence says, for example, that the author grew up “in a small city in the Midwest” while she writes here that she grew up in “upstate New York,” changes Fremont says she made for “consistency” in the new book but that muddy its narrative waters. The discrepancies may not bother readers seeking psychological insights rather than factual accuracy, but others will wonder if this book should have been labeled a fictionalized autobiography rather than a memoir.

A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

Pub Date: Feb. 11, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-982113-60-5

Page Count: 352

Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: Oct. 20, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2019

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AN INVISIBLE THREAD

THE TRUE STORY OF AN 11-YEAR-OLD PANHANDLER, A BUSY SALES EXECUTIVE, AND AN UNLIKELY MEETING WITH DESTINY

A straightforward tale of kindness and paying it forward in 1980s New York.

When advertising executive Schroff answered a child’s request for spare change by inviting him for lunch, she did not expect the encounter to grow into a friendship that would endure into his adulthood. The author recounts how she and Maurice, a promising boy from a drug-addicted family, learned to trust each other. Schroff acknowledges risks—including the possibility of her actions being misconstrued and the tension of crossing socio-economic divides—but does not dwell on the complexities of homelessness or the philosophical problems of altruism. She does not question whether public recognition is beneficial, or whether it is sufficient for the recipient to realize the extent of what has been done. With the assistance of People human-interest writer Tresniowski (Tiger Virtues, 2005, etc.), Schroff adheres to a personal narrative that traces her troubled relationship with her father, her meetings with Maurice and his background, all while avoiding direct parallels, noting that their childhoods differed in severity even if they shared similar emotional voids. With feel-good dramatizations, the story seldom transcends the message that reaching out makes a difference. It is framed in simple terms, from attributing the first meeting to “two people with complicated pasts and fragile dreams” that were “somehow meant to be friends” to the conclusion that love is a driving force. Admirably, Schroff notes that she did not seek a role as a “substitute parent,” and she does not judge Maurice’s mother for her lifestyle. That both main figures experience a few setbacks yet eventually survive is never in question; the story fittingly concludes with an epilogue by Maurice. For readers seeking an uplifting reminder that small gestures matter.

 

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-1-4516-4251-3

Page Count: 288

Publisher: Howard Books/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: July 26, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 2011

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