More-of-the-same sequel to last year's best-selling Motherless Daughters. In truth, this book is not quite the same. It contains more letters from motherless daughters but less of the research and thoughtful discussion that gave Edelman's earlier book a somewhat substantive underpinning. The book moves through stages of loss, starting with letters from teenagers who lost their mothers only a few months earlier and moving on to women whose mothers have been dead nearly 80 years. As Edelman relates it, one criticism leveled at the first book was that it tended to present women as victims. Not so, she retorts. These are ``survivors...who have experienced the most profound loss a child can imagine'' and choose to share their stories with others. Well, yes and no. As Edelman herself has pointed out, a daughter's view of her mother is muddled at best, a mix of fairy godmother and wicked stepmother. Moreover, a child's ability to heal following a mother's death seems tied to a number of factors, including, of course, the father's role and the opportunity to vent their feelings, including anger, guilt, sorrow, and fear. Many of the women whose letters are printed in this volume seem to have serious holes in that scenario, most often with fathers who enlisted them as housekeepers or little mothers of younger siblings, or who were simply too grief-stricken or confused to be a parent. Often, the correspondents complain that, without a mother, they have had no one to teach them social graces. Edelman concludes by encouraging support groups for motherless daughters. The value of these groups often lies in the relief of recognition that even at age 50, you are not the only one who wants to cry, ``Mommy, I'm scared.'' After that, it's easy for longing to deteriorate into self- pity. The letters, particularly from young women whose grief is still raw, are often touching; for the others, the reader is tempted to murmur, ``Get a life.''
Pub Date: May 1, 1995
ISBN: 0-201-48357-2
Page Count: 208
Publisher: Addison-Wesley
Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010
Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 1995
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.
An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.
We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”
An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019
ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Celadon Books
Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
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