An idiosyncratic but helpful mix of autobiography and advice.
A debut memoir explores love and loss from the perspective of a caregiver.
In 1999, White survived a bout with thyroid cancer. Then her father died of cancer. Later, her husband, Al, whom she describes as her soul mate, received a diagnosis of prostate cancer: “From that point forward and for the next fifteen years, Al experienced multiple surgeries, ongoing medical treatments and he endured non-stop pain from additional health issues,” recalls the author. “For those fifteen years, I learned the process and pains of being his caregiver.” Caregiving forced White to view life in a different way, and it is this new outlook that she wishes to share with her readers, many of whom likely have been or will be caregivers at some point in their journeys. Mixing anecdotes from her own experiences with practical advice for those who find themselves in similar positions, the author dispels many of the misconceptions people have about caregivers—that they’re all saints, for example—and offers tips on everything from communicating with doctors to handling funeral arrangements. She also tackles the inevitable issue of grief, recounting how she finally lost her husband to his disease and then, one year later, her mother as well. From there, she presses on, describing how to rebuild your life as a widow and an orphan, from experimenting with new philosophies to getting back in the dating scene. White’s prose is calm and warm, and she communicates her advice in the empathetic voice of a family friend, as here where she encourages caregivers to listen to music: “Music also heals the soul of us caregivers by lessening the effects of our stress. I’ve always felt that is a form of meditation that takes our souls to a deeper level of spiritual connection and eases our fears.” The book’s structure is a bit unpredictable, veering from memoir to motivational guide and back in ways that sometimes feel inelegant. But on the whole, the author’s story is affecting, and her tips are thoughtful and undoubtedly applicable for readers who become caregivers. White shows it is possible to come through these difficulties while still feeling love for the person in your charge—and affection for yourself.
An idiosyncratic but helpful mix of autobiography and advice.Pub Date: Dec. 22, 2018
ISBN: 978-1-982218-64-5
Page Count: 178
Publisher: BalboaPress
Review Posted Online: May 20, 2019
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...
Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.
Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.
A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.Pub Date: March 21, 2017
ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6
Page Count: 272
Publisher: Little, Brown
Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.
Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.
O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.
A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019
ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8
Page Count: 384
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Review Posted Online: July 27, 2019
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019
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