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LIFE AFTER BIRTH

WHAT EVEN YOUR FRIENDS WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT MOTHERHOOD

Sensible and sensitive: a must read for every new mother.

A reassuringly frank look at childbirth and motherhood by a writer and mother who persuasively suggests that, despite current conventional wisdom, having a baby does radically change a woman’s body and her life.

Drawing on her own experiences and those of others, as well as numerous studies and past practices, Figes (Because of her Sex, not reviewed) offers insights that inform and comfort. Describing the changing attitudes to children and motherhood, she notes that the view of the mother as solely responsible for her child’s well-being is a recent development, traceable to Rousseau’s Emile (1762). During the 20th century this notion expanded as birth control cut the size of families and as maternal health improved. Today mothers are considered responsible not only for their children’s physical well-being but for their emotional and intellectual development as well—and current child-centered notions of “good” motherhood are bound to wear out anyone who tries to satisfy all these unrealistic demands. The author notes how pregnancy and childbirth can cause long-lasting backache, incontinence, and depression. She also describes how, until recently, it was the universal custom for new mothers to enjoy a recovery period during which relatives and neighbors took care of their households and the new baby. Women have always worked, she observes, but they did not have to deal with the “huge cultural changes in the expectations of mothers and in the nature of work that has made it increasingly hard for women to feel as if they are good mothers when paradoxically they have probably never done a better job.” And she describes the overwhelming love most women feel for their children—an emotion that causes all sort of conflicts and concerns when they go back to work or leave the child with a sitter for a much-needed weekend away.

Sensible and sensitive: a must read for every new mother.

Pub Date: May 1, 2001

ISBN: 0-312-26192-6

Page Count: 288

Publisher: St. Martin's

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: March 15, 2001

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PERMISSION TO FEEL

UNLOCKING THE POWER OF EMOTIONS TO HELP OUR KIDS, OURSELVES, AND OUR SOCIETY THRIVE

An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.

An analysis of our emotions and the skills required to understand them.

We all have emotions, but how many of us have the vocabulary to accurately describe our experiences or to understand how our emotions affect the way we act? In this guide to help readers with their emotions, Brackett, the founding director of Yale University’s Center for Emotional Intelligence, presents a five-step method he calls R.U.L.E.R.: We need to recognize our emotions, understand what has caused them, be able to label them with precise terms and descriptions, know how to safely and effectively express them, and be able to regulate them in productive ways. The author walks readers through each step and provides an intriguing tool to use to help identify a specific emotion. Brackett introduces a four-square grid called a Mood Meter, which allows one to define where an emotion falls based on pleasantness and energy. He also uses four colors for each quadrant: yellow for high pleasantness and high energy, red for low pleasantness and high energy, green for high pleasantness and low energy, and blue for low pleasantness and low energy. The idea is to identify where an emotion lies in this grid in order to put the R.U.L.E.R. method to good use. The author’s research is wide-ranging, and his interweaving of his personal story with the data helps make the book less academic and more accessible to general readers. It’s particularly useful for parents and teachers who want to help children learn to handle difficult emotions so that they can thrive rather than be overwhelmed by them. The author’s system will also find use in the workplace. “Emotions are the most powerful force inside the workplace—as they are in every human endeavor,” writes Brackett. “They influence everything from leadership effectiveness to building and maintaining complex relationships, from innovation to customer relations.”

An intriguing approach to identifying and relating to one’s emotions.

Pub Date: Sept. 3, 2019

ISBN: 978-1-250-21284-9

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Celadon Books

Review Posted Online: June 22, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: July 15, 2019

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HOW NOT TO HATE YOUR HUSBAND AFTER KIDS

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after...

Self-help advice and personal reflections on avoiding spousal fights while raising children.

Before her daughter was born, bestselling author Dunn (Why Is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?: And Other Questions I Wish I Never Had to Ask, 2009, etc.) enjoyed steady work and a happy marriage. However, once she became a mother, there never seemed to be enough time, sleep, and especially help from her husband. Little irritations became monumental obstacles between them, which led to major battles. Consequently, they turned to expensive couples' therapy to help them regain some peace in life. In a combination of memoir and advice that can be found in most couples' therapy self-help books, Dunn provides an inside look at her own vexing issues and the solutions she and her husband used to prevent them from appearing in divorce court. They struggled with age-old battles fought between men and women—e.g., frequency of sex, who does more housework, who should get up with the child in the middle of the night, why women need to have a clean house, why men need more alone time, and many more. What Dunn learned via therapy, talks with other parents, and research was that there is no perfect solution to the many dynamics that surface once couples become parents. But by using time-tested techniques, she and her husband learned to listen, show empathy, and adjust so that their former status as a happy couple could safely and peacefully morph into a happy family. Readers familiar with Dunn's honest and humorous writing will appreciate the behind-the-scenes look at her own semi-messy family life, and those who need guidance through the rough spots can glean advice while being entertained—all without spending lots of money on couples’ therapy.

A highly readable account of how solid research and personal testing of self-help techniques saved a couple's marriage after the birth of their child.

Pub Date: March 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-0-316-26710-6

Page Count: 272

Publisher: Little, Brown

Review Posted Online: Jan. 17, 2017

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Feb. 1, 2017

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