BREAK THE CYCLE

HEALING FROM AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

A volunteer advocate for victims of domestic violence—which can affect up to 25 percent of U.S. families—describes how to safely leave an abusive relationship.

Deitz (Employed by God: Benefits Packaged with Faith, 2011) opens with several sobering statistics: In a single day in 2010, upwards of 70,000 victims nationwide reported incidents of domestic violence, and an estimated 70 percent of these involved alcohol. This guide focuses on the combination of abuse and alcoholism and is organized in three parts. “Drowning” shows how victims often lose their identity while trying to cope with their partner’s addiction. “Swimming” provides tips on how to withdraw from codependent behaviors and establish a separate identity. “Safe on Shore” advises readers how to stay strong and develop healthy relationships. Deitz uses the story of Lydia as a book-length case study: Lydia’s alcoholic husband threatened her physically, nearly killed her and emotionally abused her for 20 years before she left him. Deitz cites biblical scripture, though only sporadically: “I knew the Bible said God hates divorce. But … Scripture [also] says God despises ‘a man’s covering himself with violence.’” She provides deft analogies, as when illustrating the difficulty of leaving an abuser: Describing a car that has been violently vandalized, Deitz writes that “you certainly can’t jump in that vehicle and go. Before you can drive off, you have to make repairs. People who have suffered abuse also need time to recover and heal from shock.” Throughout, Deitz offers practical, specific guidance, such as having cash on hand as well as a list of important phone numbers and addresses. Each chapter ends with “Healing Practices” to encourage readers to apply what they’ve read to their own situations. Additional “Resources” of other helpful books and organizations, with phone numbers and web addresses, are also appended. Practical, helpful information presented in a positive, reassuring way.

 

Pub Date: Feb. 9, 2012

ISBN: 978-1466375215

Page Count: 214

Publisher: CreateSpace

Review Posted Online: April 24, 2012

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A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

THE ESCAPE ARTIST

Fremont (After Long Silence, 1999) continues—and alters—her story of how memories of the Holocaust affected her family.

At the age of 44, the author learned that her father had disowned her, declaring her “predeceased”—or dead in his eyes—in his will. It was his final insult: Her parents had stopped speaking to her after she’d published After Long Silence, which exposed them as Jewish Holocaust survivors who had posed as Catholics in Europe and America in order to hide multilayered secrets. Here, Fremont delves further into her tortured family dynamics and shows how the rift developed. One thread centers on her life after her harrowing childhood: her education at Wellesley and Boston University, the loss of her virginity to a college boyfriend before accepting her lesbianism, her stint with the Peace Corps in Lesotho, and her decades of work as a lawyer in Boston. Another strand involves her fraught relationship with her sister, Lara, and how their difficulties relate to their father, a doctor embittered after years in the Siberian gulag; and their mother, deeply enmeshed with her own sister, Zosia, who had married an Italian count and stayed in Rome to raise a child. Fremont tells these stories with novelistic flair, ending with a surprising theory about why her parents hid their Judaism. Yet she often appears insensitive to the serious problems she says Lara once faced, including suicidal depression. “The whole point of suicide, I thought, was to succeed at it,” she writes. “My sister’s completion rate was pathetic.” Key facts also differ from those in her earlier work. After Long Silence says, for example, that the author grew up “in a small city in the Midwest” while she writes here that she grew up in “upstate New York,” changes Fremont says she made for “consistency” in the new book but that muddy its narrative waters. The discrepancies may not bother readers seeking psychological insights rather than factual accuracy, but others will wonder if this book should have been labeled a fictionalized autobiography rather than a memoir.

A vivid sequel that strains credulity.

Pub Date: Feb. 11, 2020

ISBN: 978-1-982113-60-5

Page Count: 352

Publisher: Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: Oct. 21, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2019

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A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

DAD'S MAYBE BOOK

Ruminations and reminiscences of an author—now in his 70s—about fatherhood, writing, and death.

O’Brien (July, July, 2002, etc.), who achieved considerable literary fame with both Going After Cacciato (1978) and The Things They Carried (1990), returns with an eclectic assembly of pieces that grow increasingly valedictory as the idea of mortality creeps in. (The title comes from the author’s uncertainty about his ability to assemble these pieces in a single volume.) He begins and ends with a letter: The initial one is to his first son (from 2003); the terminal one, to his two sons, both of whom are now teens (the present). Throughout the book, there are a number of recurring sections: “Home School” (lessons for his sons to accomplish), “The Magic Show” (about his long interest in magic), and “Pride” (about his feelings for his sons’ accomplishments). O’Brien also writes often about his own father. One literary figure emerges as almost a member of the family: Ernest Hemingway. The author loves Hemingway’s work (except when he doesn’t) and often gives his sons some of Papa’s most celebrated stories to read and think and write about. Near the end is a kind of stand-alone essay about Hemingway’s writings about war and death, which O’Brien realizes is Hemingway’s real subject. Other celebrated literary figures pop up in the text, including Elizabeth Bishop, Andrew Marvell, George Orwell, and Flannery O’Connor. Although O’Brien’s strong anti-war feelings are prominent throughout, his principal interest is fatherhood—specifically, at becoming a father later in his life and realizing that he will miss so much of his sons’ lives. He includes touching and amusing stories about his toddler sons, about the sadness he felt when his older son became a teen and began to distance himself, and about his anguish when his sons failed at something.

A miscellany of paternal pride (and frustration) darkened by the author’s increasing realizations of his mortality.

Pub Date: Oct. 14, 2019

ISBN: 978-0-618-03970-8

Page Count: 384

Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

Review Posted Online: July 28, 2019

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Aug. 15, 2019

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