This account of sex and substance abuse pulls no punches as it shocks and enlightens.
This debut memoir follows a gay man’s sexual exploration in front of and behind the movie camera as well as his battle with drug addiction.
Ferris, who was born in 1987, had his first sexual encounter with a high school classmate. This boy became his first crush, too, though the author’s already low self-esteem took a hit when his friend betrayed him. Ferris opted for sex with strangers by the time he was at a San Francisco college and soon moved to porn films, performing under the name Blue Bailey. At the same time, he dove deeply into substance abuse, with meth his drug of choice. Before the author was even 20 years old, a doctor diagnosed him as being HIV-positive. He was the one to console his family over this news; it was not the “death sentence” it once was, and those who were “POZ” like Ferris could still have active sex lives. He continued his adult-film career and gained some fame from one particular 2014 movie: Viral Loads. That was mostly due to its marketing campaign, which failed to clarify that star Blue Bailey, who engaged in sexual acts with HIV-positive performers, was POZ himself. Ferris later enrolled in law school and became an attorney. Even with his porn days behind him, his sex life was energetic and occasionally experimental. Sadly, his meth addiction was a never-ending fight; he’d manage to kick it but then fell back into the drug’s merciless trap. He aspired to be an activist lawyer, and that meant staying sober even when temptations surrounded him.
Ferris’ concise account is an unflinching look at his turbulent life that, as he warns readers, teems with graphically detailed sex scenes. He champions sex—and all the fetishes it entails—between consenting partners as well as normalizing gay sexuality. But the author highlights the downsides as well; using “liquid Viagra” on a movie set incited multiple trips to the emergency room, and one unnerving sexual escapade ended with his arrest for murder. None of this is exploitative, as the book’s 77 “scenes” feel like snapshots of the author’s life. Moreover, Ferris’ conversational narration frames all that he experienced in a stylish but uncompromising fashion: “I slip the needle in, thread my vein, and pull the plunger back. A plume of red. I am registered. I am an octopus inking through the water. Red is my safe word. Red means stop. Now, red means go. I am ready. Go.” The author’s support for the gay community and his “POZ brothers” is uplifting, and he brings to light some critical medical issues involving HIV-positive individuals. Much of the book nevertheless wallows in gloominess. His self-confidence, for example, continually wavered, and his meth addiction caused perpetual misery, sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts. Ferris also brushes past certain people in his life, from his barely mentioned partner, Sean, to his loving and sympathetic extended family. On the other hand, he includes a handful of personal photographs along with a copy of his witness statement after his arrest.
This account of sex and substance abuse pulls no punches as it shocks and enlightens.Pub Date: Oct. 11, 2022
ISBN: 978-0-9913780-7-4
Page Count: 187
Publisher: Unbound Edition Press
Review Posted Online: Oct. 3, 2022
Review Program: Kirkus Indie
The author's youthfulness helps to assure the inevitable comparison with the Anne Frank diary although over and above the...
Elie Wiesel spent his early years in a small Transylvanian town as one of four children.
He was the only one of the family to survive what Francois Maurois, in his introduction, calls the "human holocaust" of the persecution of the Jews, which began with the restrictions, the singularization of the yellow star, the enclosure within the ghetto, and went on to the mass deportations to the ovens of Auschwitz and Buchenwald. There are unforgettable and horrifying scenes here in this spare and sombre memoir of this experience of the hanging of a child, of his first farewell with his father who leaves him an inheritance of a knife and a spoon, and of his last goodbye at Buchenwald his father's corpse is already cold let alone the long months of survival under unconscionable conditions.
Pub Date: Jan. 16, 2006
ISBN: 0374500010
Page Count: 120
Publisher: Hill & Wang
Review Posted Online: Oct. 7, 2011
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2006
A determined if self-regarding portrait of a candidate striving to define herself and her campaign on her own terms.
An insider’s chronicle of a pivotal presidential campaign.
Several months into the mounting political upheaval of Donald Trump’s second term and following a wave of bestselling political exposés, most notably Jake Tapper and Alex Thompson’s Original Sin on Joe Biden’s health and late decision to step down, former Vice President Harris offers her own account of the consequential months surrounding Biden’s withdrawal and her swift campaign for the presidency. Structured as brief chapters with countdown headers from 107 days to Election Day, the book recounts the campaign’s daily rigors: vetting a running mate, navigating back-to-back rallies, preparing for the convention and the debate with Trump, and deflecting obstacles in the form of both Trump’s camp and Biden’s faltering team. Harris aims to set the record straight on issues that have remained hotly debated. While acknowledging Biden’s advancing decline, she also highlights his foreign-policy steadiness: “His years of experience in foreign policy clearly showed….He was always focused, always commander in chief in that room.” More blame is placed on his inner circle, especially Jill Biden, whom Harris faults for pushing him beyond his limits—“the people who knew him best, should have realized that any campaign was a bridge too far.” Throughout, she highlights her own qualifications and dismisses suggestions that an open contest might have better served the party: “If they thought I was down with a mini primary or some other half-baked procedure, I was quick to disabuse them.” Facing Trump’s increasingly unhinged behavior, Harris never openly doubts her ability to confront him. Yet she doesn’t fully persuade the reader that she had the capacity to counter his dominance, suggesting instead that her defeat stemmed from a lack of time—a theme underscored by the urgency of the book’s title. If not entirely sanguine about the future, she maintains a clear-eyed view of the damage already done: “Perhaps so much damage that we will have to re-create our government…something leaner, swifter, and much more efficient.”
A determined if self-regarding portrait of a candidate striving to define herself and her campaign on her own terms.Pub Date: Sept. 23, 2025
ISBN: 9781668211656
Page Count: 320
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
Review Posted Online: Sept. 23, 2025
Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 15, 2025
BOOK REVIEW
BOOK REVIEW
PERSPECTIVES
© Copyright 2026 Kirkus Media LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Follow
Popular in this Genre
We can’t wait for you to join Kirkus!
It’s free and takes less than 10 seconds!
Already have an account? Log in.
OR
Sign in with GoogleTrouble signing in? Retrieve credentials.
Welcome Back!
OR
Sign in with GoogleTrouble signing in? Retrieve credentials.
