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THE ONLY THING THERE IS TO WANT

A MEMOIR OF THREE LOVES

A brilliant autopsy of loves lost.

Hepola’s second memoir is a story of three love affairs, all of them doomed.

The author, who entranced readers with her candor in Blackout (2015), a memoir of her years of alcoholism, brings the same unsparing honesty to her search for true love. She explains that in her 20s, she chose a big, unconventional life: adventure, a career, and the things unavailable to her mother, whose “small radius” existence Hepola semi-pitied, always assuming this path “would double back at some point and deliver” her to a husband and a child. Instead, at 45, in a therapist’s office, chronically single, she looks back at the three loves that “haunted” her: “a detective in New Orleans, a married man, a younger man,” each of whom “roamed just beyond her fingertips.” The book unfolds in three parts, one per man. First comes the married man, a friend turned something more, who proves surprisingly the steadiest and most emotionally present of the three until it becomes clear that he and his wife define the flexibility in their marriage differently. Part two belongs to the younger man, 29 to Hepola’s 44, met on Tinder; once she gets past her disbelief that he wants her, she falls hard for his movie-star looks and his life on a locomotive-factory line, so unlike her own. Part three revisits the great love of her 20s, the detective, who dumped her unceremoniously and resurfaces decades later. She still finds him magnetic, though her sobriety now casts his drinking in a stark light. It’s he who hands her the book’s title, in a line that becomes its thesis: Desire feeds only on distance. Fans of Blackout will recognize the same fearless honesty and propulsive readability. The tone is so casual, so conversational, that it’s easy to miss just how good a writer Hepola is: The prose is precise even when it’s taking risks, unexpected turns of phrase landing with the ease of a friend talking you through her worst nights.

A brilliant autopsy of loves lost.

Pub Date: Sept. 29, 2026

ISBN: 9781984820334

Page Count: 320

Publisher: Dial Press

Review Posted Online: Aug. 3, 2026

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Sept. 1, 2026

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TANQUERAY

A blissfully vicarious, heartfelt glimpse into the life of a Manhattan burlesque dancer.

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A former New York City dancer reflects on her zesty heyday in the 1970s.

Discovered on a Manhattan street in 2020 and introduced on Stanton’s Humans of New York Instagram page, Johnson, then 76, shares her dynamic history as a “fiercely independent” Black burlesque dancer who used the stage name Tanqueray and became a celebrated fixture in midtown adult theaters. “I was the only black girl making white girl money,” she boasts, telling a vibrant story about sex and struggle in a bygone era. Frank and unapologetic, Johnson vividly captures aspects of her former life as a stage seductress shimmying to blues tracks during 18-minute sets or sewing lingerie for plus-sized dancers. Though her work was far from the Broadway shows she dreamed about, it eventually became all about the nightly hustle to simply survive. Her anecdotes are humorous, heartfelt, and supremely captivating, recounted with the passion of a true survivor and the acerbic wit of a weathered, street-wise New Yorker. She shares stories of growing up in an abusive household in Albany in the 1940s, a teenage pregnancy, and prison time for robbery as nonchalantly as she recalls selling rhinestone G-strings to prostitutes to make them sparkle in the headlights of passing cars. Complemented by an array of revealing personal photographs, the narrative alternates between heartfelt nostalgia about the seedier side of Manhattan’s go-go scene and funny quips about her unconventional stage performances. Encounters with a variety of hardworking dancers, drag queens, and pimps, plus an account of the complexities of a first love with a drug-addled hustler, fill out the memoir with personality and candor. With a narrative assist from Stanton, the result is a consistently titillating and often moving story of human struggle as well as an insider glimpse into the days when Times Square was considered the Big Apple’s gloriously unpolished underbelly. The book also includes Yee’s lush watercolor illustrations.

A blissfully vicarious, heartfelt glimpse into the life of a Manhattan burlesque dancer.

Pub Date: July 12, 2022

ISBN: 978-1-250-27827-2

Page Count: 192

Publisher: St. Martin's

Review Posted Online: July 27, 2022

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LOVE, PAMELA

A juicy story with some truly crazy moments, yet Anderson's good heart shines through.

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The iconic model tells the story of her eventful life.

According to the acknowledgments, this memoir started as "a fifty-page poem and then grew into hundreds of pages of…more poetry." Readers will be glad that Anderson eventually turned to writing prose, since the well-told anecdotes and memorable character sketches are what make it a page-turner. The poetry (more accurately described as italicized notes-to-self with line breaks) remains strewn liberally through the pages, often summarizing the takeaway or the emotional impact of the events described: "I was / and still am / an exceptionally / easy target. / And, / I'm proud of that." This way of expressing herself is part of who she is, formed partly by her passion for Anaïs Nin and other writers; she is a serious maven of literature and the arts. The narrative gets off to a good start with Anderson’s nostalgic memories of her childhood in coastal Vancouver, raised by very young, very wild, and not very competent parents. Here and throughout the book, the author displays a remarkable lack of anger. She has faced abuse and mistreatment of many kinds over the decades, but she touches on the most appalling passages lightly—though not so lightly you don't feel the torment of the media attention on the events leading up to her divorce from Tommy Lee. Her trip to the pages of Playboy, which involved an escape from a violent fiance and sneaking across the border, is one of many jaw-dropping stories. In one interesting passage, Julian Assange's mother counsels Anderson to desexualize her image in order to be taken more seriously as an activist. She decided that “it was too late to turn back now”—that sexy is an inalienable part of who she is. Throughout her account of this kooky, messed-up, enviable, and often thrilling life, her humility (her sons "are true miracles, considering the gene pool") never fails her.

A juicy story with some truly crazy moments, yet Anderson's good heart shines through.

Pub Date: Jan. 31, 2023

ISBN: 9780063226562

Page Count: 256

Publisher: Dey Street/HarperCollins

Review Posted Online: Dec. 5, 2022

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 1, 2023

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