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WHEN ELVES ATTACK

Although Serge is thinking big, Dorsey’s holiday gift is small, with his new, linear story line a mere shadow of his...

Multitasking maniac Serge Storms (Electric Barracuda, 2011, etc.) slows the flow when he concentrates on having a down-home Florida Christmas.

Roaring into Tampa, Serge has just two wishes: to become a family man like his old friend Jim Davenport, and to Take Christmas Big. And what better way to start than to return to Triggerfish Lane and move next door to good old Jim? Jim’s wife Martha is already stressed to the max by her mother-in-law’s annual holiday visit, complete with Mother Davenport’s generous gesture of wiping down the bathroom with bleach before using it. But the sight of Serge’s 1972 Chevelle pulling up at the curb drives excitable Martha’s anxiety to fever pitch, especially after her teenage daughter finds the newly minted family man a worthy role model. In Serge’s mind, no family is complete without its feminine side, so he beefs up his household, so far limited to his drug-addled pal Coleman, with the addition of City and Country, two chicks on the run since an incident in a Tuscaloosa bar. Now Serge can work on Taking Christmas Big, starting out by taking Country under the mistletoe and proving that a kiss isn’t just a kiss. Then there’s the 10-foot tree that almost fits through the front door and Coleman’s dope-laced gingerbread. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without presents, so Serge and Coleman, dressed as elves, head to the Tampa Mall to shop—and to discuss Martha’s Thanksgiving Day dust-up with mall security.

Although Serge is thinking big, Dorsey’s holiday gift is small, with his new, linear story line a mere shadow of his mayhem-filled priors.

Pub Date: Nov. 1, 2011

ISBN: 978-0-06-209284-7

Page Count: 208

Publisher: Morrow/HarperCollins

Review Posted Online: Oct. 15, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Nov. 1, 2011

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SUMMER ISLAND

The best-selling author of tearjerkers like Angel Falls (2000) serves up yet another mountain of mush, topped off with...

Talk-show queen takes tumble as millions jeer.

Nora Bridges is a wildly popular radio spokesperson for family-first virtues, but her loyal listeners don't know that she walked out on her husband and teenaged daughters years ago and didn't look back. Now that a former lover has sold racy pix of naked Nora and horny himself to a national tabloid, her estranged daughter Ruby, an unsuccessful stand-up comic in Los Angeles, has been approached to pen a tell-all. Greedy for the fat fee she's been promised, Ruby agrees and heads for the San Juan Islands, eager to get reacquainted with the mom she plans to betray. Once in the family homestead, nasty Ruby alternately sulks and glares at her mother, who is temporarily wheelchair-bound as a result of a post-scandal car crash. Uncaring, Ruby begins writing her side of the story when she's not strolling on the beach with former sweetheart Dean Sloan, the son of wealthy socialites who basically ignored him and his gay brother Eric. Eric, now dying of cancer and also in a wheelchair, has returned to the island. This dismal threesome catch up on old times, recalling their childhood idylls on the island. After Ruby's perfect big sister Caroline shows up, there's another round of heartfelt talk. Nora gradually reveals the truth about her unloving husband and her late father's alcoholism, which led her to seek the approval of others at the cost of her own peace of mind. And so on. Ruby is aghast to discover that she doesn't know everything after all, but Dean offers her subdued comfort. Happy endings await almost everyone—except for readers of this nobly preachy snifflefest.

The best-selling author of tearjerkers like Angel Falls (2000) serves up yet another mountain of mush, topped off with syrupy platitudes about life and love.

Pub Date: March 1, 2001

ISBN: 0-609-60737-5

Page Count: 336

Publisher: Crown

Review Posted Online: May 19, 2010

Kirkus Reviews Issue: Jan. 15, 2001

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LONESOME DOVE

A NOVEL (SIMON & SCHUSTER CLASSICS)

This large, stately, and intensely powerful new novel by the author of Terms of Endearment and The Last Picture Show is constructed around a cattle drive—an epic journey from dry, hard-drinking south Texas, where a band of retired Texas Rangers has been living idly, to the last outpost and the last days of the old, unsettled West in rough Montana. The time is the 1880s. The characters are larger than life and shimmer: Captain Woodrow Call, who leads the drive, is the American type of an unrelentingly righteous man whose values are puritanical and pioneering and whose orders, which his men inevitably follow, lead, toward the end, to their deaths; talkative Gus McCrae, Call's best friend, learned, lenient, almost magically skilled in a crisis, who is one of those who dies; Newt, the unacknowledged 17-year-old son of Captain Call's one period of self-indulgence and the inheritor of what will become a new and kinder West; and whores, drivers, misplaced sheriffs and scattered settlers, all of whom are drawn sharply, engagingly, movingly. As the rag-tag band drives the cattle 3,000 miles northward, only Call fails to learn that his quest to conquer more new territories in the West is futile—it's a quest that perishes as men are killed by natural menaces that soon will be tamed and by half-starved renegades who soon will die at the hands of those less heroic than themselves. McMurtry shows that it is a quest misplaced in history, in a landscape that is bare of buffalo but still mythic; and it is only one of McMurtry's major accomplishments that he does it without forfeiting a grain of the characters' sympathetic power or of the book's considerable suspense. This is a masterly novel. It will appeal to all lovers of fiction of the first order.

Pub Date: June 1, 1985

ISBN: 068487122X

Page Count: 872

Publisher: Simon & Schuster

Review Posted Online: Sept. 30, 2011

Kirkus Reviews Issue: May 15, 1985

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